Social media and divorce can be a messy combination

Chicago residents who are facing an impending divorce should approach social media with caution for the duration of the proceedings.

Getting a divorce is never an easy proposition. Even when both spouses agree on how to divvy up their assets and liabilities, there are still many emotional aspects of a divorce to deal with. The addition of kids in a divorce further complicates a divorce. In today’s online world, Chicago spouses actually have yet another thing with which to contend and that is social media.

What goes online stays online
It is very easy to post something to a social media site. Removing it, however, is a different thing. Simply deleting a post from a primary view does not really ensure that it is gone. Deleted posts may still be detectable by some means. In addition, posts could have been shared and seen by many people even before they were deleted. This should always be kept in people’s minds.

Opening doors for suspicion
Forbes explains that online posts may open up questions that spur an opposing spouse to investigate things that may otherwise have been left alone. This can include certain bank accounts being reviewed in great depth if one spouse believes that assets may be hidden. For example, photos of extravagant trips can give the impression that one person has access to funds that might surpass what have been disclosed.

Protecting kids
Social posts can be seen by a variety of people and eventually be shown to children of the divorcing parents or to the children’s friends or even teachers and coaches. Depending upon the nature of the posts, this may be embarrassing or hurtful to kids who are already struggling with their parents’ divorce. The Huffington Post notes that this is just one more reason to be cautious with social media during a divorce.

Messaging another concern
In addition to public posts, many social platforms allow private messaging between connected users. These are another avenue via which information can be misinterpreted or seen by the wrong people. Fox Business adds that text messages are another form of communication that should be used with care by divorcing spouses.

What spouses should know
CNBC reports that many couples today are creating social media prenuptial agreements to protect them if they ever get divorced. People already married without such agreements should discuss their situations with an attorney. Learning what type of information can be used against them in a divorce is an important part of making it successfully through a divorce in Illinois.

Collaborative law can take some of the “sting” out of divorce

By: Feinberg Sharma

Splitting couples who can agree to respectfully resolve differences may benefit from the collaborative divorce process.
Divorce can sometimes be ugly. It can be bitter. It could last for years, with a couple appearing in court dozens of times to accomplish very little. There could be tens of thousands of dollars of legal fees while the parties fight back and forth, and their ability to co-parent their children moving forward could be significantly impacted by all the animosity. It could, at the very end, come down to an Illinois family court judge having to make virtually every decision on behalf of the couple, because they simply cannot set aside their anger long enough to accomplish anything.

Thankfully, divorce doesn’t have to be that way. Believe it or not, it actually is possible to end your marriage without getting trapped in the cycle of bitterness and bickering. How, you may ask? Through the process of collaborative divorce.

What is collaborative divorce?
Collaborative divorce is, in short, a non-adversarial way to dissolve a marriage. It involves parties who, together with their attorneys, commit to finding solutions and reaching settlement in an open and honest environment. The parties resolve to work together in a respectful way to address their issues and reach resolution without resorting to litigation. The process has a high success rate in part because both spouses must agree beforehand that, if they fail to reach a settlement and must proceed to court, they will hire new counsel and must start from scratch; this gives everyone involved a real stake in the outcome and a determination to make it work.

The guidance of experts
The collaborative process involves not only the spouses and their individual attorneys, but also a panel of experts there to facilitate agreement. The experts engaged can vary from case to case, but may include:

• Financial specialists/experts there to analyze the couple’s economic situation, determine whether property is marital or separate in nature and propose various property division options
• Divorce coaches who not only facilitate the process, but help the couple develop emotional skills necessary to move forward with their lives afterward
• Child custody and parenting time specialists who make recommendations based upon what would be in the children’s best interests and propose methods that will guide the parents toward respectful co-parenting in the future
• Religious advisors to ensure that, if necessary, dictates are followed with regard to the religious aspects of divorce

Other benefits
In addition to being less contentious than traditional divorce, the collaborative method is typically more cost-effective and quicker. You also remain in charge of the decision-making at all times, without ceding control to a judge who, though impartial, doesn’t know your family and how his or her decisions will impact you.

All other benefits aside, of most import to some couples, however, is the fact that the process is private in nature. Your family’s proverbial “dirty laundry” won’t be aired in public court, and information you disclose throughout won’t be part of the public record.

Interested in learning more?

Are you thinking of ending your Illinois marriage? Do you want to remain in control of the decisions involved? Can you commit to working with your spouse to find creative solutions? If so, contact Feinberg Sharma today.

Divorce is experiencing a boom among Baby Boomers

More Americans are getting divorced later in life, which comes with unique financial and emotional challenges.
Divorce can be challenging at any age. However, for many couples, Illinois residents included, the longer they are married the more assets and property they acquire. This can make the division of the marital estate particularly complicated for those who have been married for several decades, especially in high-asset divorces.

More Americans are getting divorced at a later age than ever before. National Public Radio states that married people over the age of 50 are twice as likely to split as those of the same age were two decades ago. For example, about 10% of people over 50 got a divorce in 1990, as opposed to 25% today.

Common reasons for gray divorce
Divorce among older couples has been termed “gray divorce.” Numerous reasons, alone or combined, may result in more seniors getting divorced today. These can include:

• Longer life spans contributing to the desire to have a more fulfilling life at a later age;
• More women enjoying economic independence and not needing to rely on a husband’s income; and
• Growing apart after the kids are raised and out of the house.

Despite the heartbreak and setbacks of getting a divorce, it can also be liberating to start one’s life over, even at an older age. The Washington Times notes that certain factors need to be even more carefully considered in a gray divorce. These include dividing retirement accounts and pension plans that have accumulated over the years, as well as any business assets from a joint or individual business. The professionals at Feinberg Sharma have extensive knowledge about valuing and dividing these retirement interests, for qualified plans through the use of a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (“QDRO”), without triggering tax consequences as well as dividing non-qualified plans by using a Domestic Relations Order (“DRO”). We also understand how to value and divide stocks, options, units, phantom stock and the multitude of types of deferred compensation forms being paid to executives today.

Speaking with an attorney
Older couples in Illinois have had a lifetime to build up assets. When you are considering a divorce later in life, you often have more things to worry about than those who are younger. A gray divorce presents unique emotional challenges. Still, many of those divorcing later in life are able to go on to live full, happy lives.

If you’ve been married for many years and are considering a divorce, contact Feinberg Sharma today, as we are experienced family law attorneys who will protect your rights.

Chicago-area couple’s divorce leads to dispute over family pet

A Chicago-area couple is involved in a lengthy divorce dispute largely centered on custody of the family dog.

Divorce law sometimes struggles to keep up with how families view pets
While child custody and visitation disputes are not uncommon in divorce cases, custody disputes surrounding pets are an area of family law that is relatively new. One Carol Stream couple is learning the hard way how Illinois law can sometimes feel out of step with how pet owners relate to their furry friends. The couple has been involved in a highly contested divorce surrounding who will get custody of the couple’s dog, according to Fox 32 News.

Husband seeks pet custody
The dispute in this case revolves around a 5-year-old Labrador retriever named Pepper. Both the husband and wife each claim that they are best able to care for the dog. The wife currently enjoys custody of Pepper, although the husband claims that it is in the dog’s best interest for custody to either be split between the two or be awarded to him.

The husband had asked the judge to let a pet mediator intervene in the case, but the judge would not allow it. The wife has taken out an order of protection against the husband and she claims that he is simply using the pet as a way to harass her and drag out their divorce. The issue is expected to be decided by a judge in early August.

Pet custody disputes rising
The Carol Stream couple is hardly alone in their plight. According to the Chicago Tribune, a recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers in Chicago found that 25 percent of respondents had seen an increase in the last five years of pets being mentioned in divorce cases. One Illinois firm even claims it has seen a 60 percent rise in the number of pet custody disputes.

The main problem surrounding such disputes is that Illinois law, like most other states, treats pets largely as property rather than members of the family. In many cases, whether or not the pet’s best interests are taken into account will depend on how sympathetic a judge is to pet owners. Additionally, as the above case shows, custody of a pet can also sometimes be used as a bargaining chip by a disgruntled spouse in order to get a more favorable divorce agreement out of the other spouse.

Contested divorces
A divorce is one of the most emotionally fraught experiences that many people will ever go through. It is no surprise, then, that with emotions running so high that some divorcing couples end up getting drawn into long, disputed divorce cases.

While some divorce disputes are unavoidable, it is usually in a person’s best interests to consult an experienced family law attorney before taking any drastic steps in a divorce. A qualified attorney can use his or her legal expertise to make sure an ex-spouse handles a divorce in the most prudent and responsible way possible.

Experts disagree on the merits of Parental Alienation Syndrome

Parental alienation syndrome first appeared back in the 1980s. The discovery of PAS is attributed solely to Dr. Richard Gardner, a professor of psychiatry. According to Dr. Gardner, PAS describes when a child is essentially brainwashed by one parent to turn the child against the other parent. Not surprisingly, PAS generally arises in the context of highly contested child custody cases.

The conduct that gives rise to PAS can result in a situation where the child is being forced to choose sides in custody proceedings in order to guarantee to one parent a highly favorable custody arrangement. Conduct conducive to PAS, says Psychology Today, consists of acts such as the following:

• Bad mouthing the other parent
• Seeking to limit contact with the other parent
• Attempting to erase the other parent from the life of the child
• Suggesting that the other parent may be bad or poses a risk of danger

Despite the undeniable fact that PAS testimony is often given by experts both in Illinois and throughout the nation, many in both the psychiatric and legal communities have taken issue with PAS. Some deny its existence and roundly criticize the methodology which is said to support the syndrome. As a result, these naysayers have argued that PAS cannot be the basis of expert testimony in court proceedings since it simply does not exist as a proven psychological condition. Undoubtedly, the debate will continue.

PAS testimony in Illinois
Illinois cases exist where PAS testimony was given during trial court proceedings. However, Illinois’s highest court has not yet directly addressed the issue of whether or not evidence in the form of expert testimony on PAS is admissible as possessing evidentiary merit. In 2004, the Illinois Supreme Court decided In re Marriage of Bates. Bates involved a case where expert testimony on PAS had been admitted in the context of an attempt by a father to modify a custody decision. The mother’s attorney had argued that the expert’s testimony was based on nothing more than “junk science.”

In its discussion in Bates, the Supreme Court of Illinois made two observations. First, the court noted the harsh criticism of Dr. Gardner and PAS. The court further acknowledged awareness of the fact that “critics have pointed to many flaws in the [PSA] theory.” Unfortunately, the court refused to say whether or not the PAS testimony was properly admitted into evidence since the testimony was not actually a basis for the trial court’s decision. Thus, the verdict is still out on how our highest court would rule on the admissibility of PAS testimony.

Illinois child custody proceedings
If you feel that you will soon be embroiled in a custody proceeding that could be charged with emotion, you should talk to an attorney experienced in family law. Keep in mind that, as to child custody matters, the gold standard for making determinations is simply what is in the “best interest of the child.”

The “best interest of the child” standard is broad and includes what the child may want and how well the child gets along with each parent. Accordingly, it would be a serious matter if you have reason to believe that your spouse is attempting to turn your child against you. A family law attorney can advise you as to what steps he or she believes are appropriate under Illinois law.